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About Varied / Student Member RavynFemale/United States Recent Activity
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I will no longer be submitting or updating anything on Deviantart. I have enjoyed the artwork by so many talented people but I no longer have any desire to upkeep this page. The simple truth is that I am Clinically depressed, and I may soon be out of a job because I cant be an effective number keeper at my job. I just cant have enough "good" days to keep the balance or show consistency so I'm at the final stage of my IP development. I have 45 days (give or take) to show improvement. This is what I was told and if I cant reach the goal then thats it folks I figure they'll keep me through season at the very least but I could be wrong. So very soon I will more than likely find myself one of countless others who suffer from a mental illness but due to my financial situation cannot provide for myself adequate mental health care. Ive been trying with minimal success to play the numbers game I just cant keep up. So here I am. I dont want to do anything anymore. I'm sorry if this bumms some folks out but I'm left with nothing to face the possibility that I wont get through the rest of the year without going on some kind of assistance and I really thought that I was so close to getting everything back on track. But I've just had the rug jerked out from under me 'again'. So I dont know what I'll do. And as to make matters worse now I'm gonna be clinically depressed with a deadline. No pressure there. I am truly at a loss. I'm too tired to be angry and too sad to yell. People say there's no where to go but up. That's easy for them to say, the road isnt as hard for them to travel. There isnt anything left to say but goodbye.
Enjoy what's here I won't remove it cause some people do seem to visit occasionally and like my junk.

 Be excellent to one another.
  • Mood: Gloomy
Between the good the bad and the plain ole ugly there are folks that none of these categories can truly wrap around. This brings me to a certain person (for the restraint  that i am trying to show) will remain nameless that I just can't for the life of me get past. I'd love to get past her, Hell I'd throw a party for her if ever she would just "leave"! Honestly, I used to love my job there's not a lot of folks that can say that. Even after the hours get monkied with, the staff gets cut, the boss passes you up for a promotion (which I believe I was TOTALLY qualified for-that's just my opinion) and all the day today operational BS that every person with a full time job has the glorious fortune to deal with, I still have just one problem over all. That's right ONE! Its a biggie. (at least to me) Isn't there always that ONE person that just for whatever reason just gets a hard-on to be shitty to you? I mean customers, they come and go but some employees they just last for f*ckin' ever. I tried playing devil's advocate, maybe her life is really screwed up and work is the only place that she can be the uber-bitch on wheels and feel good about it, maybe she just really hates her job (shes not really a people person) and maybe just MAYBE I'll find the next winning lotto numbers in the trash can at the stop and shop. (right) Anyway all this started over a pair of pants (you heard me) and apparently I am the criminal because I "obviously" set out to buck the system and stick-it-to-the man every chance I get by for an undetermined amount of time being out of dress code. (She never did tell me how long this was) Now, let me go ahead and say I'm not the snappiest dresser on a good day. I try to stay within specs. I try to do my job to the best of my ability at all times. Ive been there about 14 years maybe minus 6 months or so. But I just cant win. I am completely cross-trained, cordial, helpful, respectful and amiable (but I lack basic fashion sense) I  give up. Now I can hear you saying that it's probably just me being over dramatic, take your talking to and suck it up (and I have) but it's not just me. I cant tell you the number of times Ive been pulled aside by other (female) employees and they've just been talked down to, dismissed out of hand (questions not actual dismissals) or generally just been treated like their feelings didn't amount to squat and generally made to feel stupid from the same person. It's unbelievable. I really didn't get mad or shutdown until I got THIS response "Well we all shop at good-will." That in itself might not make you mad but this person doesn't shop at good-will cause she HAS to it's because she wants to there's a big difference (and then again there' that part of me that's willing to go "Well I don't know her situation either" but I'm done. Regardless it's been too long and too much petty. This girl will be looking for the best available job she can get and I'll just make do. Which really sucks because I don't want to start over at minimum wage again and sacrifice the remaining good feelings that I DO still have for the other people I work with and the good feelings that I have when I see a happy customer. But she's not going any where so you know that just leaves me. Maybe on the positive end of all this, there's a reason why. I like to think that this means the harder some thing gets in your life then it means that it was time to move on anyway. I cant change but so much and I seriously don't think that's the real reason at all. But I've always had a bit of a persecution complex and the idea that someone cant just come right out and say to me something that's there on the day that its happening but would rather wait an indeterminate amount of time is just passive-aggressive nonsense.

I did better than I thought I would, I seriously had a lot more expletives and some really derogatory stuff I wanted to say but honestly? What's the point? It won't change anything because I'm just a retail pee-on no matter if I have a position or not. I know Ill never be a manager, never wanted to be one (not a head manager or anything I could probably run a tanning salon or something) but I'm just tired and I don't think I deserve to be some crab-apple with issues' punching bag.
I will no longer be submitting or updating anything on Deviantart. I have enjoyed the artwork by so many talented people but I no longer have any desire to upkeep this page. The simple truth is that I am Clinically depressed, and I may soon be out of a job because I cant be an effective number keeper at my job. I just cant have enough "good" days to keep the balance or show consistency so I'm at the final stage of my IP development. I have 45 days (give or take) to show improvement. This is what I was told and if I cant reach the goal then thats it folks I figure they'll keep me through season at the very least but I could be wrong. So very soon I will more than likely find myself one of countless others who suffer from a mental illness but due to my financial situation cannot provide for myself adequate mental health care. Ive been trying with minimal success to play the numbers game I just cant keep up. So here I am. I dont want to do anything anymore. I'm sorry if this bumms some folks out but I'm left with nothing to face the possibility that I wont get through the rest of the year without going on some kind of assistance and I really thought that I was so close to getting everything back on track. But I've just had the rug jerked out from under me 'again'. So I dont know what I'll do. And as to make matters worse now I'm gonna be clinically depressed with a deadline. No pressure there. I am truly at a loss. I'm too tired to be angry and too sad to yell. People say there's no where to go but up. That's easy for them to say, the road isnt as hard for them to travel. There isnt anything left to say but goodbye.
Enjoy what's here I won't remove it cause some people do seem to visit occasionally and like my junk.

 Be excellent to one another.
  • Mood: Gloomy

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:iconraimitsu1938:
RaiMitsu1938 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Student General Artist
welcome!
Reply
:iconsilverharmony:
silverharmony Featured By Owner May 11, 2014   Artisan Crafter
Thanks so much for the fav, I'm happy you enjoyed our Gundam Wing cosplay! Gundam Wing: The Gundam Pilots by silverharmony
Reply
:iconsoviet-superwoman:
Soviet-Superwoman Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
Happy Birthday! :iconcakeplz: :icongiftplz:
Reply
:iconraimitsu1938:
RaiMitsu1938 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014  Student General Artist
Welcome!
Reply
:icongolemcreation:
GolemCreation Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Professional Artist
Thanks for the fav!!
Reply
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